Parenting with the Temperments
This article is for all parents (and even non-parents, working or caring for children) to build a stronger bond with their little one. Parenting without doubt is a challenge and even when some parents don't admit it, a lot struggle with not being able to understand their child or children.
The temperaments framework truly helps you in this regard because once you understand your child's base temperaments you can understand the reasons why they do certain things, getting a better hand at giving them what they need and even be able to predict how they might feel, act, or behave regarding a certain thing.
So let's explore some of the ways the different temperaments show themselves in our children. (Note this is a brief guide, however, subscribe so you don't miss out on the other articles similar to this to come).
Your Sanguine Child
Full of Energy
Sanguine children are like little energizer bunnies, always on the move and eager to make friends.
Challenge: Keeping up with their boundless energy can be exhausting for parents, especially when trying to manage their social interactions.
Advice: Embrace Their Social Side: Encourage structured activities that channel their energy positively, such as sports or outdoor games. Set clear boundaries for socializing to ensure they have time for rest and other responsibilities. Consider enrolling them in classes or clubs where they can socialize in a supervised environment, giving you a break while still fostering their social growth.
Explorers
They have a strong need to experience the world around them.
Challenge: Balancing their desire for new experiences with safety concerns and practical limitations can be challenging.
Advice: Plan outings to safe and stimulating environments where they can explore freely. Involve them in the planning process to make it exciting and ensure they understand any rules or safety precautions. Encourage creativity at home too with DIY projects or themed play days, providing opportunities for exploration within a familiar and controlled setting. The point being, don't stop them. It is a genuine need for them to cultivate their mind and enhance their development.
Balancing the ego
Challenge: Sanguine children may struggle with understanding the concept of reciprocity and may exhibit selfish behaviors at times.
Advice: Use everyday situations as teaching moments to help them understand the impact of their actions on others. Model generosity and empathy but popular toy characters who were kind and generous to others. (This will really capture their attention). Encourage sharing and cooperation through activities that require teamwork or joint decision-making, reinforcing the value of considering others' feelings and needs.
"Finish What You Start"
Help them appreciate the beauty of completing tasks before moving on.
Challenge: Sanguine children's natural enthusiasm and impulsiveness can lead to a tendency to abandon tasks halfway through, causing frustration for both them and their parents.
Advice: Cultivate Persistence: Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and offer positive reinforcement as they progress. Help them develop strategies for staying focused, such as setting timers or creating a visual checklist. Encourage them to take pride in their accomplishments, no matter how small, and celebrate their efforts to see things through to completion.
Your Choleric Child
Leadership
They are children who will likely take the lead.
Challenge: Choleric children's natural inclination to take charge can sometimes lead to power struggles with authority figures and peers. They may become frustrated when others don't follow their lead or challenge their authority.
Advice: Instead of squashing their leadership tendencies, guide them in developing healthy leadership skills. Encourage them to take on leadership roles in appropriate settings, such as group projects or team sports. Teach them the importance of collaboration and effective communication, helping them understand that true leadership involves listening to others' perspectives and working together towards common goals. Provide opportunities for them to practice negotiation and compromise, empowering them to lead with empathy and diplomacy.
Sitting Still
They will wriggle, a lot!
Challenge: Choleric children's difficulty in sitting still can disrupt classroom activities, family dinners, and other situations requiring focused attention. They may struggle to stay engaged in tasks that require sustained concentration.
Advice: Channel their energy. Instead of trying to force them to sit still for extended periods, provide outlets for their restless energy. Incorporate frequent breaks into their schedule, allowing them to move around and release pent-up energy. Encourage physical activities that they enjoy, such as sports, dance, or martial arts, to help them burn off excess energy in a constructive manner. Consider using fidget toys or stress balls to provide sensory stimulation while they're seated, helping them stay focused without feeling confined.
Tantrums
If they don’t get their way.
Challenge: Choleric children's strong-willed nature can lead to frequent outbursts and tantrums when things don't go according to their plans or desires. These emotional explosions can be overwhelming for both the child and their caregivers.
Advice: Help your choleric child learn to manage their emotions and cope with disappointment constructively. Teach them calming techniques, such as deep breathing or counting to ten, to help them regain control when they feel overwhelmed. Encourage them to express their feelings verbally instead of resorting to tantrums, and validate their emotions while setting clear boundaries for acceptable behavior. Consistent routines and boundaries to provide a sense of stability and predictability actually reduce the likelihood of tantrums triggered by unexpected changes or disappointments.
Your Phlegmatic Child
Group Work
Phlegmatic children typically work well in group settings, preferring harmony and cooperation over conflict.
Challenge: While their preference for harmony can be beneficial in group settings, phlegmatic children may struggle with assertiveness and advocating for their own needs. They might also avoid taking initiative or expressing themselves assertively, leading to feelings of being overlooked or unappreciated. This tends to hold them back later in life.
Advice: Encourage them to express their opinions and needs confidently, even in group settings. Provide opportunities for them to practice assertiveness skills, such as role-playing scenarios or engaging in structured debates. Validate their contributions and opinions, reinforcing the importance of their unique perspective. Help them identify their strengths and interests so they thrive in group settings while maintaining a sense of self-worth and identity.
Silent Observers
This child tends to be observant, taking in their surroundings before reacting. They often approach situations with a thoughtful mindset.
Challenge: While their observant nature allows them to approach situations thoughtfully, phlegmatic children may struggle with making decisions or taking action promptly. Their tendency to overanalyze situations can lead to indecisiveness or missed opportunities for participation.
Advice: Help them recognize the value of their observations and insights, empowering them to contribute meaningfully to discussions and activities. Follow this with creative opportunities for them to practice making choices and taking initiative, gradually building their confidence in their ability to assert themselves effectively. By nurturing their decision-making skills and encouraging active participation, parents can help phlegmatic children balance their thoughtful approach with timely action, enhancing their confidence and sense of agency.
Fearful Nature
Phlegmatic children may become very fearful of others and new things.
Challenge: Phlegmatic children feel overwhelmed or anxious when encountering unfamiliar people or situations. This fearfulness can hinder their ability to explore and engage with the world around them, limiting their growth and development.
Advice: Validate their feelings of fear but also gradually expose them to unfamiliar people or situations in a controlled and supportive environment, allowing them to acclimate at their own pace. Don't highlight their fears or label them as fearful. Climate them "silently". By nurturing their confidence and resilience, parents can help phlegmatic children overcome their fears and approach new challenges with courage and curiosity. This will truly enhance their growth and independence.
Attachment
Phlegmatic children may show greater attachment to their parents or caregivers, not wanting to leave them.
Challenge: Their strong attachment manifests as clinginess making transitions and social interactions challenging for both the child and their caregiver.
Advice: Validate (make them feel heard and understood) their attachment while gently encouraging gradual independence. Provide predictability and consistency in routines and transitions to help them feel secure and confident in their surroundings. Expand their social circle gradually.
Your Melancholic Child
Empathy
They are highly attuned to emotions, both their own and others'. This sensitivity can make them compassionate and empathetic.
Challenge: Their heightened sensitivity may lead to emotional overwhelm or difficulty coping with intense emotions, both their own and those of others
Advice: Empathise with them. Help them understand their sensitivity by fostering emotional intelligence. Teach them how to identify and express their feelings in healthy ways. Provide opportunities for them to engage in activities that promote empathy and compassion, such as volunteering or helping others in need. Validate their emotions and offer support as they navigate their own feelings and those of others. By nurturing their emotional intelligence, parents can help melancholic children develop strong interpersonal skills and a deep sense of empathy.
Perfectionism
Melancholic children may exhibit a desire for perfection, setting high standards for themselves and sometimes feeling disappointed if those standards aren't met.
Challenge: It leads to self-criticism, anxiety, and fear of failure. They may become overly self-critical and discouraged when they perceive themselves as falling short of their own high standards.
Advice: Teach them how beneficial it is to have a "Growth Mindset". Help them understand that mistakes and setbacks are opportunities for learning and growth, rather than reflections of their worth. Tell them stories of how people who tried even after they still failed, eventually succeeded because they leart from their mistakes. Tell them your own journey. Likely, you melcholic child will listen.
Reserved
This child might be more reserved in social situations, taking time to warm up to others. They may prefer smaller, more intimate settings.
Challenge: They struggle with feeling out of place, anxious and stressed from the pressure to join social situations they are not comfortable in.
Advice: Respect their pace, they are not sanguine. Honor their need for solitude and smaller social settings by providing opportunities for them to socialize in environments where they feel comfortable and safe. Avoid pressuring them to engage in large group settings before they're ready. However, encourage them to still join social engaments because they are good experiences for them to get our of their comfort zone from time to time. Conclusion, have a very balanced approach to this. :)
Creativity
Often, melancholic children show a creative and artistic side. They might express themselves through art, writing, or other creative outlets.
Advice: Support their interests in art, writing, music, or other creative outlets by providing access to materials and resources. Encourage them to explore different forms of self-expression and experiment with new techniques. Its a fantastic opportunity to bond over their art 🤗.
Conclusion
In conclusion, understanding the temperaments of our children—whether they exhibit the exuberance of the sanguine, the assertiveness of the choleric, the tranquility of the phlegmatic, or the introspection of the melancholic—empowers us as parents and caregivers to provide tailored support and guidance. Each temperament brings its own set of strengths and challenges, and by recognizing and embracing these traits, we can foster environments that nurture our children's emotional well-being, personal growth, and resilience.
It help us bond, build stronger relationship with our children and makes our life, a little (or a lot) easier. I hope this article was help.
With love,
Shifaa
DISCLAIMER: Shifaa Khan's content is for general informational purposes only. It should not be used to self-diagnose and it is not a substitute for a medical exam, cure, treatment, diagnosis, and prescription or recommendation. It does not create a doctor-patient relationship, nor a consultant-client relationship, nor a practitioner-client/patient relationship between Shifaa Khan and you. You should not make any change in your health regimen or diet before first consulting a physician and obtaining a medical exam, diagnosis, and recommendation. Always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. No presentation or communication shall expressly or implicitly bind any person or entity to any contract, agreement or course of conduct, or waive any part of this disclaimer and no one should rely on unverified claims that Shifaa Khan is part of any endeavor and all such reliance is expressly disclaimed.
